You are like a rift in time, forever haunting me in the most beautiful way.

 

All of these years I've loved you Ryan. You never fail to leave my mind. You are like a rift in time, forever haunting me in the most beautiful way. It seems like so long since I last saw you. I will never forget that look on your face when you realized we would be going our separate ways. Back then, we were just in high school but there was nothing childish about our love. I have always loved you in the deepest, most passionate way. I will forever love you no matter how much time goes by. It was beautiful to experience real love, even if it is complicated and unexplainable; it is still love. 

So, an update on my dating life-I broke up with my boyfriend last week. I was contemplating breaking up with him for a while. He was a good boyfriend, but he was too old for me and in a different period of life than me. It just wouldn't work out, so I let him go. I think I want to stay single for a while. I want to take time for myself, refocus my energy. There's been 2 guys who have resurfaced from the past that hit on me since I've been single, but they just seem to only want sex. I'm finding some men are so physically drawn that they might only like me for my ass, or that might be a big factor in why they like me. That's not the kind of men I want. I want more substitute, for someone to truly like me for me, without even seeing my ass. I want a more meaningful match. For now, I will stay single and then just hope Ryan visits me frequently. 

I am still hoping that one day Ryan and I can be together, but it doesn't seem that promising to me as much anymore. He is my dream guy, the love of my life. Ryan is like magic to me, like seeing a shooting star tumbling across the sky. Nobody has ever been able to make me feel the way he makes me feel. The way Ryan makes me feel is indescribable, incomprehensible; you just have to feel it. 

If we don't end up together, I do feel like Ryan will always be in my mind. I'll always be wondering about him. What he's doing, how he's doing, how his life is going. Sometimes I wish I could just move on like how I do for all the other previous boyfriends I've had. Ryan is someone I can't move on from, though, because of how special he is. Ryan awakened me and made me blossom in a way I can't explain. He's been the only man I've ever truly loved. 

I do have a feeling that Ryan is there for me. Our love is like a daydream, a quiet, peaceful daydream. He is like a breath of fresh air from all this modern-day dating bullshit. I wish I could lock eyes with him, though in real life. Only in my dreams am I able to experience life with him, true life, as if it were real. I like to believe that our dreams can be other realities in a parallel universe. I do have a feeling that we are lovers, even if it's in another reality. My love for you comes from the soul. I've always felt an amazing connection to him, even when I first locked eyes with him. It was like love at first sight. 

I will write again soon. Spring is coming, so I'm very excited for that. 

Until then, I love you, Ryan😘

xoxo

-Court