I've been distracted lately

 

Today was a rough day. I forgot my laptop at home, and I didn't realize until I was in the work parking lot. I'm not used to working remotely, so of course I forgot it. I get to work remote for a month and a half for hitting incentives, which is good. Buuuuttt then I fucked two things up at work. One thing is from a month ago, and the other is from Friday. It was just stupid errors that they tried making me feel like shit for. Then tonight I applied for jobs again, and of course, there's nothing that I'm really interested in. Some people seem to have it all figured out, but I don't. I'm almost 24 and I have no idea what career I want to do in life. Honestly, my dream is to be a sexy housewife, but I know that's not realistic. 

I've started a recent fling with my coworker. I feel like it's been distracting me, maybe too much. I feel like I've been choosing short-term pleasure over getting my life together. For example instead of applying for jobs every night I will be going out with my coworker and getting fucked in the parking garage. I do feel like I'm enjoying this fling, but I still need to be focused on my goals, too. I'm going to try to find balance. I will say I used to hate my job until me and my coworker started talking. Now my job is bearable and enjoyable somewhat. The job market is really bad so at least if I'm stuck at this job then at least I got some entertainment and someone who I can talk to. It is nice I will say. He is an older man, but he treats me well. Better than how younger guys treated me, I feel like. I will say he has made my life more enjoyable since I met him. 

It's been gloomy the last two days. On gloomy days I always think of you Ryan. I think of you everyday all day and all night, but gloomy days especially are when I get lost in my thoughts. Right now I'm in my sunroom sitting in front of the window, gazing out amounsgt the trees and my houseplants. I'm listening to the rain as I get lost in my thoughts about you. 

I want you Ryan Kelly. Badly. 

I hope I can lucid dream of you soon. In my dreams is where everything can come to life....