My eternal soulmate, I am lost without you......

 Ryan, I love you more than you would ever know. Every waking moment of my life I think of you, and my soul seeks you out. I feel lonely lately Ryan and sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that you could be there and that you love me too. I want to melt into you, our souls coming together in spirit. I feel lost without you Ryan and I just keep thinking back to the time when I felt the closest to you. I crave you and your energy. I like the nights when I feel like you are there with me, you are the only thing that seems to transport me somewhere else. It's like when I feel your energy, I just forget about everything. You bring me a sense of calmness and peace. You are my home, and I will love you forever. I just want you so bad and it makes me sad to think that I may never see you ever again. I wish I knew how you really felt, about everything. 

Now for how I feel lately...lately, I've just felt kind of depressed, like there's nothing to look forward to. It's like I'm living the same day over and over. I'm working a job I don't even like and this was literally the best paying job I could get and I don't even like it really. Even with how much I get paid it's like I know dang well I couldn't even afford to move out with how much I'm making. It's fucking depressing. I really think the world is going to shit. People work more than they have ever before and they still can't afford to live. This system is enslaving us and I already can't take it, so I can't imagine 40 more years of this shit. I may want to find a way out eventually, maybe open a business. I keep imagining opening my own coffee shop that is surrounded by plants everywhere. Or a wonderful antique store filled with treasures from the past. These are things I think of often, dreaming of my escape, my dream life. This corporate shit is sucking my soul dry. Then on top of that, I have no friends, and the only real connections in my life that I have is my mom and my dog. My grandparents I see maybe once a month as well, but other than that I have no one. I'm trying to find ways to make my life better and to make things more enjoyable. I'm really trying, but sometimes it's hard. I thought after college my life would get more exciting, but the opposite is true. This job is depressing me and I feel like a slave. Then I wonder, "is this really how shit is going to be for the rest of my life". This system is failing us as human beings, and my spirit says that there has to be more to this. I want to start focusing on my business more, because with that extra money it can get me ahead in life. I don't know where I want to go but I can't keep going on like this forever. I think it would be more bearable if I was able to work hybrid or remote, then it wouldn't feel as bad, if anything that would be luxurious. Anyway that's my rant. I just wonder if you wonder how I am feeling, and this is exactly how I've felt lately. The whole starting a business thing is a big risk and that would be something I would have to really plan out and I want to wait until I'm a little older and more mature to really see what I want. In this economy, forget having a business because the government finds a way to suck you dry regardless. Anyways I'm just over the bs in life, and that's why I want you so bad, because you are my balance and harmony Ryan. 

I love you

xoxo-Court