I can't get you out of my head, you reap within my mind like an imprint, like you are forever engrained within me.

 To be in love with someone from years and years ago sounds crazy, but that's how I feel about you. You were my first love and the only deep love I've ever had. I know that no one else will be like you, and it doesn't matter how many guys I've dated, nobody will ever compare to you. Ryan Kelly...you are the love of my life, my life force, you are what drives me and pulls me to the point where I crave you so bad and you are all I think about. Every waking moment I think about you, I wake up and think about you, all throughout the day I think about you, I go to bed at night and I think about you. 

I can't get you out of my head, you reap within my mind like an imprint, like you are forever engrained within me. 

When I think of love I think about you, and I think about everything I want to do with you. I want to see the world with you, and make memories together. I woke up today and I imagined that you called me and asked me out for a date and we went to this rooftop restaurant, you held my hand and told me you loved me too, and I imagined you coming over later that night and we kissed each other slowly and looked into each other's eyes, and it's like everything made sense when I was with you. You make me feel that way, even in my dreams. I will never want anyone in this world more then you, and I can't even be intimate with other guys without thinking of you, so I just gave up on dating because of that. I know that everything has to be with you, and it sounds crazy but you are my soulmate. 

I remember when we kissed my freshman year of high school, and your sophomore year, and when we kissed everything made sense. I felt like I was in heaven, and it felt like pure paradise. You were the best kisser I've ever kissed, it was the most romantic moment of my life, the best night of my life. I think about it every day. That's when I knew you were my soulmate, was that night. Everything felt so natural with you, and I felt like I could fully let go and be myself. I remember we were lying beside each other and I don't know how exactly we started kissing but I remember it was slow and romantic, then I started going faster and I felt your face blush and we kissed for what seemed like hours, and I pretty much kissed you until I got tired. That night was the most intimate I ever felt with you, and I will never forget it. I remember we made eye contact the next day at school and I remember us both smiling at each other, and you acted like it never happened, but we both knew what was up. 

I want to kiss you again, and feel that energy with you again, I wish I could feel like how I did on that night everyday for the rest of my life. All of my friends are married, or married having kids, and I can't help but feel like I'm missing out. I just know it has to be with you, and I hope someday we reconnect because I know you are the person I'm meant to be with. Right now I have tears running down my face as I'm typing all of this because I just don't know if we will ever reconnect again, and then I will be lonely for the rest of my life. I know that nobody else in this world will make me feel the way you do, and that makes me sad sometimes because I feel as if we will never get back to how things were. I want nothing else in this world more than you, and I hope you feel the same way about me deep down. 

I love you Ryan, and I will always love you, no matter what. 

I hope someday you come around...

xoxo-Court