Happy Valentine's Day Ryan-xoxo Court

 Happy Valentine's day my long-lost lover. It's been 10 years of loving you, or however long. I've lost track of how long I've loved you because I know I will love you forever. Valentine's Day is always a weird day for me because I just wish I could be with you instead of being alone. I remember one year in high school, I think my freshman year I walked to the dollar store and bought chocolates for you intending to give them to you. I remember being too scared to give them to you and I just ended up eating the whole box myself🤣 One of my earlier memories was always walking to that dollar store since I didn't have a car, and I just made it work. Despite how silly it all was, I knew that my love couldn't be defined by a box of chocolates, or even a sappy love note, my love for you is incomprehensible, extraordinary. 

I always wished that you would be my Valentine, not just for one day, but forever. I want to love you for eternity. I want to show you the sweetest kind of love, the kind that you always deserved to have. When I think of you I imagine my whole life with you. I want to wake up beside you every morning and fall asleep with you at night. I want to go everywhere with you and do everything together, even if it's going to the grocery store together. I want to do cheesy things like kiss in the rain and dance under the stars. Every day I imagine all the things I want to do with you. I play out scenarios in my head, just hoping that someday it will all be real. 

Maybe you will come around again, I hope. I know I want nothing in this world more than you. 

You are the deepest part of me, you are my abyss. 

I've never known how deep love could really be until I met you. I never knew love until I met you. Once I met you I realized that love is the most powerful thing in the world. I feel blessed to have been able to meet you, even if it was just one period of time in life. Most people can't say that they've met their soulmate, but I know I have. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and look into those eyes, and see your warm smile. 

I keep imagining how you looked back in the day, and you were so cute. You are still just as cute as back then, now just more grown up. I miss looking at the small details about you, like your mole near your mouth, or the way your hair curls at the end. You are a masterpiece, and you are perfectly imperfect in every way. 

Not every Valentine's Day has been happy for me, because I know I've gotten sad over you. I remember just 2 years ago I got really high and was in the shower at 1am, for 2 hours just thinking about you on the ground. I cried and I remember getting so high that I imagined you were with me, and I felt like you were there even though I knew you weren't. I requested to follow you on Instagram that night and you accepted, but then blocked me a few days later. 

Our story hasn't always been perfect Ryan, but I know how deep my love goes for you. I don't care what happened in the past, because we can rewrite our future. I think deep down you've always loved me too, but yeah it wasn't always perfect, sometimes it was hard. I think it's been hard for both of us at times, but I still choose to love you unconditionally every day. 

I'm not changing my mind when I say I want you forever. I hope I don't get sad today, I think my intention will be that I'll dedicate today to loving myself and treating myself. I think you and me both know I've come a long way from crying in the shower high🤣 

I love you, Ryan, forever and always😘

P.S-

For you❤️

I have this playlist that I've had for a while, it's dedicated to you. This playlist represents all of the feelings I've felt about you, all of the real feelings I feel. My favorite songs on the playlist are:

Coldplay: Sparks

Q: Take me where your heart is

These are the two songs that I listen to the most when I think about you😊

xoxo-Court