Missing you always

 Lately, I've been feeling lonely, and I've been thinking of you every day. I don't talk to anyone at this school anymore, not even Eric. Literally nobody...but I do talk to myself. There's this guy I keep seeing around who looks like the younger version of you, like how you looked back in high school, and it reminds me of the younger days when I felt closer to you. Seeing this time-warp version makes me sad inside because it reminds me of what is already past me. I can't wait to go back home after graduation so I'm closer to family, and I can actually have a life. Because when I'm here I have no life and this place is depressing to me. 

I always think of you Ryan, and the thought of you makes my days brighter. The truth is I will always want you, and I will always only want you. I could never settle for anyone else in the long term, because all I've ever wanted is you. You are in my thoughts, and in my dreams, and you don't realize that you're all I've ever wanted. When I felt like you were there, you made me feel alive inside, and it's a feeling I've never felt with anyone else. With you, I felt a soulful connection, and I knew you were always my soulmate. The truth is that I'm scared for anyone to get close to me, that's why my wall is so high, but for you, I'd let my wall down. I want you to know me, to see me, to love me for everything I am, even the flaws. I will always love you unconditionally. Please never give up on me Ryan, I know I'm dealing with a lot of stress right now with graduation and everything, but just know you're on my mind every day of my life. 

My heart beats for you, and longs for you always. I would do anything just to feel your touch again, I will never forget that night when we kissed nonstop, and I knew in that moment that you were supposed to be my husband. I just never felt that way before and you made me feel beautiful and out of this world. I never felt that same feeling ever again, and maybe that's part of the reason why I can't get over you. It's because you are meant to be with me. 

I love you

xoxo-Court