Daily Feelings Post #1

Today I feel very sad, and lonely. I can't stop thinking about the guy I like (Ryan Kelly). He means so much to me, he doesn't even realize how much of an impact he can make on me. He is so complex, it's like one second he likes me, and a second later he hates me. But I think I have him figured out, but for real he should just talk to me. He's the only guy that I've ever loved. I went insane because of him for god sakes. All the boyfriends I've ever had I'e never loved or had much attraction to, and of course it's always the one person you want you can't have. I don't know, but it's stupid. I wish he could just choose a side, it's either you love me, or you hate me. Maybe he just likes playing with me. 

My bestfriend Gabby has also been out of town all week, and I usually hangout with her everyday, so I've been feeling lonely. She also makes a huge impact in my life, she is like the sister I've never had. It feels like we haven't talked in forever, she's like my other leg that I need to walk. She's just apart of me like how Ryan is apart of me in a way. 

I seriously dislike summer break, I have too much time. I just want to go back to school, and I want it to be fall. I miss the cold rainy days, those are my favorite. It seems like everyday in the summer is bright, hot, and long. I just miss the social element of school. I'd rather be too busy, and stressed out than lazy, and lonely. I notice that when I have a lot of freetime I start to think about stuff, and then I get sad. So that's why I always like staying busy with stuff. Anyways I'm going to try to be productive, and do something with my life for once. I think I might work on my blog, and try to cheer up. 

xoxo-Courtney